Author: pebblesandclay

It’s That Time of Year Again

~ pebblesandclay ~ 2 Comments

IMG_0656.JPGI always stop to greet this guy on my annual visit to the doctor.

I went for my annual doctor’s appointment with my endocrinologist yesterday. Anyone who has ever had a cancer diagnosis, and maybe even those who haven’t, know the slowly creeping tension that builds before these visits. I’ve been thinking about this lately because of something I have been experiencing but haven’t been able to put into words until just recently.

Every year around my birthday for the past while I have been experiencing a malaise, a fear, that begins slowly but gradually intensifies to the point where I have to stop and take notice. It calls to me to begin reactivating all of my self care practices. My journal pages get filled again, I take longer walks, and book that massage I’ve been meaning to have. I call in my support systems and generally ride it out.

The interesting thing is, I have noticed this pattern and have made some connections, but also usually wonder if there is something else happening as well – some new physical ailment I should be monitoring. I never fully understood it until recently. You see, it was around my birthday seven years ago that I had an operation to remove half of my thyroid gland. We knew my thyroid was displaying unusual activity but couldn’t get a clear diagnosis without removing part of it. It wasn’t good. I had a smallish cancer located inside the tissue they removed which meant two things: a) I now had a cancer diagnosis and b) a second operation had to be scheduled to remove the rest of the gland. It was not good news and rocked the world of this highly sensitive person to the core. I lived in fear through the whole thing – the second operation, the follow up treatment, and finally the recovery.

I was lucky and had good doctors and my prognosis was always very good. But it happened. And it was traumatic. Which brings me to what I learned this year which has changed things for me. My husband recently read an article about a connection between a cancer diagnosis and people experiencing PTSD because of it. Hearing this has changed everything for me. I am so much better when I can name things that I am experiencing. Maybe next year when I feel the fear creeping in again around my birthday, I can be more tender with that vulnerable side of myself that was so frightened for my survival and well being seven years ago.

I am already practicing. When I got off the elevator yesterday at the doctor’s office and felt the floor still rising and my heart beating just a little too fast, I remembered to comfort myself with these three sentences.

I’m feeling vulnerable.
That’s okay.
I’m grateful for the wonderful doctors that I found seven years ago.

Winter Lover or Hater?

~ pebblesandclay ~ 30 Comments

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If the hard frost these mornings is any indication, winter should be showing up any day now. (This line and picture were from yesterday.)

This is the scene this morning.

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I’ve been thinking a lot about winter lately because as it approaches many of my friends and acquaintances are busy making plans to escape her reach. Winters here are long and cold, so this strategy is not all that surprising for people who have the time and the means to make different choices. But the pervasive attitude, for many,  is that winter is something to be endured – not embraced.

I began wondering about what the winter haters are believing about winter that is different from winter lovers. The winter haters seem to believe that winter is too long, too cold, too dark, and too limiting. It requires energy to get through a Canadian winter, so it becomes something to be endured or escaped. Winter lovers, on the other hand, are believing that winter is something to be welcomed and enjoyed. Although it feels long to some, the snow is usually here only from December to mid March. One group finds the cold and snow invigorating, the other something to hide from. It’s all a question of attitude, it seems.

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I happen to be lucky enough to live near a ski town, so I see first hand all the people who have embraced winter and are actually enjoying it. I meet them walking around town in their lightweight, brightly coloured parkas and they all look great. Their faces are flushed and beaming from the cold. They look happy and invigorated as they shop for food to be enjoyed with family and friends later in the day – by the fire, I’m imagining.

I couldn’t help but think mindset has a big influence on whether we are a winter lover or hater, so I was particularly interested in this article I read in The Atlantic titled, “The Norwegian Town Where the Sun Doesn’t Rise,” by Kari Leibowitz. She was there to research how the residents of northern Norway protect themselves from wintertime woes in the hopes that some of these findings could be used to help people who were suffering elsewhere with this issue.

lead_960Kari Leibowitz ( The Atlantic)

Tromsø, Norway is a tiny island 200 miles north of the Arctic Circle. There the Polar Night lasts from November to January and during this time the sun doesn’t rise at all.  Interestingly enough, the residents of Tromsø have lower rates of wintertime depression than would be expected.

How do the residents of Tromsø protect themselves from wintertime depression? Some gave credit to cod liver oil or lamps that simulated the sun by brightening at a specific time each morning. Others thought it had to do with community and social involvement. Most residents though just talked about the Polar Night as if it wasn’t a big deal. In fact, many didn’t consider the summer months as being the best season.

So mindset, eh? I’m crediting the people of Tromsø for supporting me in not particularly enjoying the month of July here in southern Canada. As for winter, I’m sorting through my winter clothes, dusting off my snowshoes and cross-country skis, stocking up on candles, and, oh yes, will also be buying that cod liver oil.

Do any of you have winter plans?

 

*You can read the complete article on Tromsø  from The Atlantic here.

*Clinical seasonal depression is not like the wintertime blues and is something that needs to be taken seriously and treated appropriately.

 

Yes Please!

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A number of blog posts back I talked about joining the Food52 Cookbook Club. If you missed it and are interested, you can read the post here.

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This book was my first purchase and I have been cooking recipes from it for the last month. It is that good! Food52 is a recipe sharing site and I found a recipe from this book there that I thought I would share with you. It is not one of the swoon worthy savoury curries but a very simple, done in fifteen minutes, take anywhere dessert that everyone will love. Think of it as soft macaroon with an Indian twist. The best part: it has only three ingredients. It’s the perfect no fuss dessert for any pot luck gathering.

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Coconut Milk Fudge

  • Servings: 25 to 30 bite sized pieces
  • Difficulty: easy
  • Print

A fairly ancient Gujarati sweet traditionally made using fresh coconut and milk that has been reduced for hours. This is the 3 ingredient adapted version by Meera Sodha

Credit: Food52

Ingredients

  • 1 1/2 cups condensed milk
  • 2 1/2 cups unsweetened desiccated coconut, divided
  • 1/2 teaspoon ground cardamom (or finely ground seeds from 6 pods) 

Directions

  1. Pour the condensed milk into a nonstick saucepan and put it on gentle heat. Stir frequently so that the milk doesn’t stick to the bottom. (If it does burn, the burned bits can taste quite nice, but there is a fine line between nice and horrid.)
  2. When the milk comes to a simmer, add 2 cups of desiccated coconut and the ground cardamom. Keep stirring over a low heat until the mixture starts to look like dough. To test whether it’s ready , pinch a piece off and let cool for a minute to see if you can roll it into a ball. If you can, take the pan off the heat and transfer the fudge to another bowl .
  3. While you wait for the fudge to cool enough to handle it, get a bowl and put the rest of the desiccated coconut into it (to roll the fudge in) and another clean plate on which to put the finished fudge.
  4. When the fudge is cool enough to touch, roll a bit into a small ball. Roll it around in the desiccated coconut and put it onto plate. Repeat with the rest of the fudge.
  5. You can keep these in a clean tub in the fridge for up to a week.
  6. Tip: As a treat for my grandma (who loves Mounds bar), we sometimes melt some good quality chocolate and dunk the fudge into it, using a cocktail stick, then set them in the fridge until hard.

IMG_0628*Additional notes from me: The original recipe is written in British weights and measures and I think the desiccated coconut and condensed milk comes in different sizes than here. The desiccated coconut I bought came in a 200g package and the condensed milk in a 300ml can. I didn’t buy extra to meet the measurements for this recipe because I didn’t want to have leftovers. I took out enough coconut from the bag to roll the fudge in and put the rest into the saucepan with the condensed milk to make the fudge. It seemed to work out fine. There was less milk and less coconut than the recipe called for but it seemed to be in the right proportions.

Enjoy!

Let’s Talk! The Lost Art of Dialogue in a Divided World

~ pebblesandclay ~ 9 Comments

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When did talking to each other become so hard? Somewhere along the way, maybe as the church lost its importance in our communities, it became easier to sort ourselves into groups rather than gather as a whole. We began to hang out more and more with others who shared our lifestyle, or interests, or education, or had similar financial means. I know this happened to me. I was a teacher in the public system, so I certainly ran into a mixed pot of people at work, but when I came home and got comfortable, I spent most of my time with the same group of friends. Talking to these people was easy because, for the most part, we shared the same values and rarely had disagreements of any serious kind.  That’s the problem.

We get lulled into thinking that everyone is like us and thinks like us. So it comes as a BIG surprise when we discover differently. Think of last year’s American election and the shock awaiting the Democrats and much of the rest of the world when the results came in. Where were we? It seems all of us surprised people had not been talking to Trump supporters. I vowed then and there that I wouldn’t knowingly allow myself to be so isolated and naive again.

If  we’re going to move in closer to others who think differently, we have to practice talking to each other and this isn’t easy in these emotionally and politically charged times. I find that it helps to be generous to people who I disagree with. My generosity is made easier when I look for things we have in common. I find that most of us want at least some of the same things for our families and loved ones. Getting to these shared places is the tricky part.

Where I live in Quebec the government has just passed Bill 62 which does not allow Muslim women wearing the niqab or burka from receiving public services while covered. This blog post is not about that issue per se but about the discourse around this issue. It is polarizing because it has all the elements that make it a “hot” topic. It touches on fears and freedoms, oppression, misogyny, religion, and race.

I had two very different discussions around this issue. In the first, there was a feeling that people were locked into their positions so fiercely there was no room for dialogue. A real exchange can’t  happen when people aren’t open to listening to each other, don’t agree on the “facts,” nor have a willingness to find common ground. I felt discouraged.

I had another dialogue a few days later with someone else which had a totally different flavour and gave me hope that we can find ways to work ourselves out of this great divide.  We did not agree, but as soon as I spoke I could see that she was listening to me and maybe even finding what I had to say interesting. She didn’t feel the same way as I did and brought up her own points. I listened and was thoughtful. In that moment, I knew that in order to find our way out of this mess this is exactly the kind of conversation we need to be having with each other.

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I long for more of these talks, now that I know it’s possible. Maybe we can change the world one discussion at a time.

 

*Some of the language “to sort ourselves” and “to move in closer” comes from theories researched by Brené Brown in her book Braving the Wilderness. I highly recommend this book if you are interested in finding your way to “true belonging.”

 

 

Hello Darkness My Old Friend

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It happens every year and every year it is shocking. It is shocking how much faster the dark descends each day. To give you an idea of how fast this happens, I went to a site that records sunrise and sunset and the total number of daylight hours for our area. This past Monday the 23rd of October we had 10:29 daylight hours. On Sunday, October 29th, we will have 10:10 hours of daylight. That’s a whopping 19 minute drop in one week. It feels as if the dark is descending quickly, because it is!

How does one live in sync with this seasonal rhythm of darkening days? One of the first things I have noticed is that we tend to eat dinner earlier, not because we are hungry,  but because it is so dark that all our body systems tell us to adjust: eat a bit earlier, go to bed earlier, rise later. There’s a slowing down.

It’s impossible to ignore the descent into the dark, but the upside is that it makes the light we do have all the more special.

IMG_0546Cow grazing at sunset.

In a season that is becoming darker by the day, I find myself looking for all the surprise moments of light.

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And just maybe, that’s what we need to be doing all of the time – looking for surprise moments of light in the dark.

 

*If you are interested in checking out the daylight hours in your part of the world you can go here.

 

 

 

Out of My Comfort Zone

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fullsizeoutput_300.jpegIt’s been a big week. As you might have surmised from reading my blog,  I find my inspiration and most of my peace from living a quiet, reflective life in the country. But some weeks take me out of my comfort zone and this past week was one of those. There were two issues making headlines. The first was  the #metoo campaign which grew out of the allegations against Harvey Weinstein. This was followed on its heels by Bill 62 being passed in the legislature here in Quebec which prevents women wearing the niqab or burka from receiving public services while covered. This includes riding on public transportation.

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Both of these issues touched on things I value: the safety and well being of women. And I have decided that I can no longer remain neutral about things I value – not in this world, not now.

Speaking out publicly in support of these women’s issues has taken me out of my comfort zone. I have run up against disagreement and heated public discussion. I practiced civility and I have listened with the intent to understand. It is not always easy. Was it the right thing to do? Yes. Has this openness to understanding different viewpoints changed my mind on key issues? No. But it sure has opened me to the complexity of many of the problems facing society at the moment.

I am wanting to get back to the forest now, both metaphorically and physically. It is here that I rejuvenate and get clear about the next right things to do in my life. I have missed the simple ordinariness of most of my days: exercising, working, cooking good meals, reading. The ways of the world took me away for awhile and might do so again, but for now I am just content to be “home”.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Me Too… and You and You and You

~ pebblesandclay ~ 2 Comments

 

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The #MeToo campaign has stirred the pot this week for lots of women.

On a walk a few days ago, I came across an old van at the end of our road where it meets the much busier highway. I found myself immediately slowing down, all my senses on high alert. “Was there someone in the van? If so, who? And why was he parked there?”  I also checked to see if there were cars coming and how far away the nearest house was.

When I arrived home from my walk, I decided to ask my husband some questions. “Do you ever feel anxious when unknown cars slow down when you are out walking alone?” was my first question.

His answer, “No.”

And that is the problem. I’m imagining that most women would answer quite differently. Women have become hyper-sensitized to even ordinary events like cars driving slowly or  someone following  too closely on the sidewalk at night. And for good reason. We live our lives this way because sexual harassment and sexual assault happen regularly – they are real dangers and never far from our awareness.

The poet Nayyirah Waheed writes:

all of the women

in me

are tired

I think that speaks the truth for many. However, what we’re seeing this week is the conversation being opened up in profound ways. There is a new belief being born: a belief that talking about our experiences and standing together will make a difference.

I’m imagining what life would look like without the belief that men can be dangerous and we need to be on our guard. I imagine we would all feel a freedom and spaciousness that could change the world.

And that is exactly why the talks we’re having this week are so so important.

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What Will You Be Doing This Fresh Morning?

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I am up at sunrise on this clear and frosty October morning, as I am many mornings. It’s the first time the frost has been heavy enough to be noticeable on the landscape and I feel as frosty as the fields.

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I am thinking, as I sit in the morning light, about this poem by Mary Oliver that I saw posted the other day.

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There is such a paradox between the serious business of being alive in a broken world and the fresh morning. Mary Oliver makes sure we notice this. She dresses the words “fresh morning” in purple and types them in an optimistic cursive script.  I have come to understand that to live in this world, maybe especially now, we have to be comfortable living with paradox. The world is broken and the day is fresh. What are we going to make of it?

Just as I am reflecting on the “brokenness of the world,”  I see the reflection of a flock of geese flying overhead in the still pinkish sky mirrored on my computer screen. The geese aren’t reflecting on the brokenness of the world at this moment. They are connecting to an ancient rhythm that sings to them about catching the northerly air flow on its way south.  It’s an old song about the ways of the world and survival.

I think I’ll take my cues from Mary Oliver and the geese today. There are beets to harvest,

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gardens to cut back before the winter snows,

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…and seeds of all different sorts to sow.

What will you be doing on this fresh morning?

Honey, I’m Home!

~ pebblesandclay ~ 2 Comments

It all started off pretty routinely. My son, who is a busy professional and often works late at the office, wrote to let me know when he was arriving on the weekend. Since he was working late he couldn’t resist showing me a picture of  him slogging away at his desk. He followed up his real life picture with this:

fullsizeoutput_2b4You can see my motherly advice in the green. This was quickly followed by another picture:

 

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Hilarious, but how was he doing this? It turns out to be a Bitmoji avatar and you can have one too. I just created my own which, by the way, my husband does not find at all amusing. Here I am: 4B44ADFF-6DC3-4D59-A707-A131E7233A72.full

I could have added a lot more wrinkles which might have made it look more realistic but, quite frankly, I thought they just made me look angry.  

I don’t quite understand my husband’s less than receptive attitude about this unless, of course, it has something to do with how I am replying to his text messages now.
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It Could Be Addictive…and Expensive

~ pebblesandclay ~ 1 Comment

I joined an online cookbook club. It is a Facebook group run by the popular online cooking website called Food52. Every month there is a new cookbook featured and members cook recipes from that book and share the results online – complete with photos and comments. It is a great way to get a feel for whether a cookbook is right for you and get meal ideas at the same time. The first month the cookbook featured was  Salt Fat Acid Heat and was billed more for its techniques than recipes.

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I decided that I wouldn’t buy or borrow this one. But as the recipes got posted and the raves started coming in, I wasn’t sure I should have dismissed it so quickly. That’s how er…expensive this club could become.

The book for October is called Made In India by British home cook Meera Sodha.
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I LOVE Indian food and don’t have a good cookbook, so I thought I would jump in with this one.  Arriving home late on Wednesday afternoon,  I found the book had already been delivered and was waiting on the bench outside. (It is way too easy to order from Amazon!) I had a few chicken fillets in the fridge for supper that night so went to the chicken recipes and chose one – they all looked fairly easy and I just happened to have tamarind paste (go figure!), so I made Coconut and Tamarind Chicken Curry. I whipped it together in about fifteen minutes. It had a short list of ingredients. The curry flavour itself came from only cinnamon, garlic, ginger, fresh red chilli, ground tumeric and coriander. And it was delicious.

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I realize I was being held back because I mistakenly believed that to cook good Indian food I would need a whole pantry of hard to find spices and lots of time. Not so.

I have watched as others have posted recipe after recipe with the same great results and rave reviews. I am so excited! And I get to use my authentic hammered silver bowls that a friend gifted me this summer.

To compliment my newly found passion for cooking Indian, I am now thinking I may need this. All my Indian spices in one easy to find place. Brilliant!

814Zi0EcJQL._SL1500_.jpgMasala Dabba spice box

Did I mention that this could be addictive….and expensive.?