Author: pebblesandclay

Ten Things…

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IMG_0799Ten things….about me:

1. I’m called Caramel by some of my youngest friends. The young daughter of our dear friends called me Caramel instead of Carolyn one day and it has stuck. Another coincidence: I was substituting in a kindergarten class a short time later and I introduced myself as Carolyn. Towards the end of the day a child tugged on my arm to get my attention and said “Caramel, I was wondering…” So, Caramel it is.

2. I’m an HSP, INFP, and introvert. This means that I tend to process things more deeply than many people and need time alone to recharge. I do not enjoy or feel comfortable in social situations where everyone is milling about sharing small talk. These situations are overstimulating for me and I usually want to retreat as fast as I can. I love intimate dinner parties where conversations can go a little deeper or even bigger gatherings where I can find a quiet space to talk with a small group of people. Outdoor events are great for this!

3. I always seem to run a little late and there is a mad frenzy as I am about to leave (often with swear words involved). I think this is rather a newish thing for me but I would have to check with my family. The mad frenzy has always been there but feeling that I have more time than I actually do is new. I am aware that I am doing this so you would think I could allow a bit more time but no… It is not logical.

4. I won public speaking awards when I was young. This might not seem to quite match my profile (see #2) but speaking on a stage when I was prepared was actually something I enjoyed and was good at. I was also my high school Valedictorian. I think part of the reason I liked public speaking so much was because it gave me a platform to share my writing.

5. It’s a big deal for me to invite people into my home. I can entertain and am rather good at it, but I rarely do unless the house is already full and a few more people don’t really make any difference. My home is my sanctuary and the place I retreat to when I need to be quiet and recharge. Entertaining is a bit at odds with this. I wish sometimes I was more of a hostess.

6. I play tennis once or twice a week with the same group of tennis friends. I came to tennis rather late in life but I have always gravitated to racquet sports and was a badminton player in high school. I learn a lot about mindfulness and being present from playing tennis. And about being grounded and confident and strong. The quality of my tennis game is directly related to how I am feeling and what I am thinking. I play my best when I am totally present, focused, and happy. I think this is called being in the “zone.”

7. We were back to the landers in the 1970’s. We were vegetarian and grew our own food. I remember our grocery bill at the time was about ten dollars a week. There were a whole group of like minded people who were drawn to this area at that time and we all socialized and grew businesses and raised our families together. We are still close friends with many of these same people.

8. I am a messy creative. When I am doing anything creative I am a wild woman. Even as I am typing this I am surrounded by cards, pens, notes, a journal, massage oil, a glass of water, a cheque book, and a basket to hold whatever is not out on the table. When I cook or garden or paint it is even more chaotic. There is not much organization but lots of passion. (I will do a photo journal of this one day so you can see for yourself.)

9. Twin boys run in our family. My grandfather was an identical twin and my great uncles were fraternal twins (one was tall and dark and one was short and blonde). My daughter just gave birth to twin boys. All we know for sure about this newest set of family twins is that they are very, very cute.

10. I earned an income from being a school teacher for most of my life but never fully identified as a teacher. When I was leaving high school with little idea of who I was or how I wanted to navigate the world a teacher of mine suggested I would make a good teacher and so that was what I proceeded to become. It was the easy, practical, and it turns out wise choice: teaching allowed me to stay in the country where I wanted to live and make a decent salary. It was not a calling for me as it is for some people. The part I really loved was the end of the day when the children left and I could be quiet and dream up interesting things to do the next day. Another favourite part was creating a welcoming, homey space and featuring art prominently in our lessons and on the walls. When I felt overstimulated, which was frequently, I would go into the hall and let the colours of their art seep into my tired soul.

 

The Yin Yang of Tennis ….and Life

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As In Tennis So In Life

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Something happened on the tennis court this week that got me thinking about the truth behind the quote that our greatest strength can also be our greatest weakness. I didn’t think I was under any illusions about my tennis skills. I know I need to work on my backhand, strengthen my forearm, and work on a slice and drop shot. But I feel confident about my quick reflexes and net play and I am fast when retrieving balls. In fact, I am probably a little cocky about my “feel for the game.”

That’s why I was so shocked when I asked a player with great tennis skills who I have been playing with this last month what she thought I could be working on next to improve my tennis game. Unhesitatingly and with an assuredness that left me dumbfounded she replied, “Your movement on the court: your anticipation.”

“What? Are you sure you have been watching me?” I wanted to ask. “I am the agile, quick one, I wished to add.”

I did what I usually do when faced with an alternative reality to the one I am believing. I went home and mulled over her words. I started thinking about other people and their game because that is always, always easier for me. I saw how the strength/weakness divide was exactly true for everyone else: power hitters who need to soften and slow down their shots and placement strategists who need to work on more power in their game. Humm….

It is true I often let shots down the middle go to the person in back of me instead of intercepting them and I barely make some of the trickier service returns. And I am remembering during one clinic I attended the coach worked on anticipation and gave me lots of feedback that day. Maybe I do need to work on the way I move on the court. Perhaps feeling that I can react quickly has left me lazy about anticipating and less aggressive than I might be if I wasn’t relying on my quick reflexes.

And yes, as in tennis so in life. Just because I can react quickly doesn’t mean that I shouldn’t go out and meet situations head on at times or take charge of directing the movement.  My mantra is going to be move for the next while. I’ll let you know how it works on the court and off

Clay…and me

~ pebblesandclay ~ 3 Comments

 

I tend to process things more deeply (some might say intensely) than many people, so it is no surprise that some of my favourite stories are of transformation. And some of my favourite stories of transformation revolve around clay.

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Seeing this image of the Japanese art of Kintsukuroi for the first time struck a deep chord. Who would have thought that breakages and cracks and imperfections could make the original vessel even more beautiful? I am a recovering perfectionist: I have an eye for imperfections. I can spot a crack or a stain or a grammar mistake where most people see none. And they bother me until they are fixed or removed. The thing is, stains rarely disappear entirely and there is always another grammar mistake looming, another crack waiting to appear. To work with them in such a beautiful way seems like a much better plan to me.

The fable of Kintsukuroi can be read here: https://philipchircop.wordpress.com/2013/11/10/the-fable-of-kintsukuroi/

My other favourite clay story is that of the golden buddha. In Thailand in the 1950’s a monastery was being relocated to make way for a highway that was being constructed. There are some differences in the stories that are told about what was to unfold but it goes more or less like this. The monks were moving a clay statue of the buddha to their new monastery. It was so heavy that they had to use a crane to lift the statue and in the process a crack appeared so they gently lowered it back to the ground. It began to rain so they covered the statue with tarps. During the night a monk went out with a flashlight to check on the statue. As he was verifying that the tarps were all in place his flashlight caught a glimmer of light inside the crack that had appeared. Upon further investigation and subsequent chipping away at the clay the treasure inside was slowly revealed – an almost ten foot tall solid gold buddha had been resting inside. It is believed that years before the monks of the monastery, fearing an attack from Burmese marauders, had covered the valuable statue with clay so that it would be seen as worthless by the invaders. The monks were all killed during the attack and so their secret and the golden buddha had remained undisturbed until the time of the move.

Both stories are such powerful metaphors of the human experience. The Japanese understand that chips and cracks make vessels unique and beautiful. And the Thai’s knew that clay was a needed protective covering in desperate times.
My own transformation story involves clay as well. My formative years were lived on Clayes Avenue. The house I live in now and where we raised our children is on Claybank Road. And my newest grandson Klay just joined our family. The coincidence of this seems auspicious to me. And golden.

Who Knew…..?

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Who knew choosing a blog name could be so complicated? I wanted it to be something earthy and to reflect this place where I live. The word clay has always been a part of my creative life so it had been rumbling around in the field of possibilities from the beginning. I live on a road called the Claybank and a garden inspired business my husband and I ran in the 90’s was called Claybank Designs. I thought I might want to incorporate the word clay but wanted to have something else as well.

One of the really special features of this property is the clear mountain brook that runs through our backyard. It lulls me to sleep in the summer when the windows can be left open to hear all of the night sounds and is my access to the wilderness on the other side when I am feeling adventurous. There is a jewel like quality to smooth pebbles in clear water: nature’s gifts to those who take the time to sit and notice. And I am hoping that this blog will be just that, a place to sit and notice.

So Pebbles and Clay it is.

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Continue reading “Who Knew…..?” →

On Long Walks

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I’ll tell you what I have learned myself. For me, a long five or six mile walk helps. And one must go alone and every day.

Brenda Ueland

It is a five kilometre walk down our country road to the place where the gravel meets the paved highway that connects our town and the towns north of here to Vermont.

My walk takes me down a less traveled dirt road and passes our field which used to grow three acres of organic vegetables but now is cut for bedding for the neighbour’s cows. It continues up the first slope with views of the stone manor house at the top of a long, winding driveway on the left.

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The stream that runs behind our house crosses the road here and I often stop on the bridge to watch its progress to the larger river which it joins not too far from this spot. It is usually quite a mild mannered stream but it can rage during heavy, sustained rains or when the snow cover at its source on nearby Pinnacle Mountain is heavy and spring erupts overnight instead of blossoming slowly. There is a barn at this junction and the cows are often grazing in one of the fields near the road.
I often stop to talk to them or take a picture or just soak in their relaxed presence.

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Cows are masters of mindfulness. The sun on their backs, the grass below, and the next mouthful of grass is their meditation.

The road from here hugs the Sutton River that has its source on the largest mountain in our area and joins the more majestic Missisquoi just across the border. It is along this stretch of the road that I can sometimes catch a glimpse of a family of mallards or once even an otter playing on the ice floes during the spring melt.

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If I am going to be joined by any human company, it is at this point where I might meet a man from town out walking his dog. And so goes my walk most days.

A friend of mine who used to live close to here but has now chosen the city as her favourite place can’t really understand my fascination with walks in the country because there is no destination. That is precisely the pull for me.

I walk through all kinds of emotional landscapes. My angry walk is heavy and staccato like – each step an exclamation point. On fearful walks, I am alert to everything around me, fine tuned to all sounds and possible dangers. Sad walks are slow and watery as if I am willing the sky to descend and share the sadness with me. The road is my 3D journal. It holds the energy of my life and documents all its passages.

There is something that happens on these walks. With each footstep I come closer to something elusive that seems just out of reach. Sometimes an idea arrives on a wind current, sometimes it’s a knowing of the next right thing to do and sometimes it’s words that were stuck that spill out and have me scrambling to catch them before they disappear again.

And sometimes on my walks nothing much seems to happen at all.

But when I am outside taking one step after another I am able to live for a moment the Rainer Maria Rilke poem.

I live my life in growing orbits
which move out over the things of the world

And the truth of these lines descends…

I am circling around God, around the ancient tower,
and I have been circling for a thousand years,
and I still don’t know if I am a falcon, or a storm,
or a great song.

Welcome to Pebbles and Clay.

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Welcome to Pebbles and Clay.

I live on the outskirts of a small rural village surrounded by woods and fields. There is a clear mountain brook running through my backyard and a path along a high cliff that leads to my neighbour’s house a ten minute walk in the woods away. I am hoping that this backdrop can be a meeting place: a place to share what gives our lives meaning and moments to step back and witness the beauty in simple things. So come wade in the brook with me or walk along the woodland path and let’s see where our curiosity leads us.