As my mother enters the second week of being in hospital for breathing and heart issues, my life is lived in a liminal space. A liminal space is that time between the ‘what was’ and the ‘next.’ It is a place of transition, waiting, and not knowing.
I have settled into the routine of going to the hospital and spending the afternoon with my mother. I’m becoming familiar with the dizziness I feel as I get off the elevator on the third floor and turn right towards her room. I have to stop and breathe deeply before making my way down the hall. It’s the not knowing what I will face when I enter the room. Will she be sitting up? Breathing on her own without oxygen? Quietly lying in her silent, conserving energy space?
Once in the room there is that blessed moment of connection when she recognizes me and her face lights up knowing that I am there to spend time with her. I while away the afternoon taking care of her needs which have been whittled down to cleaning her dentures and applying lip balm. I try and bring her news of the world – family stuff and the latest Mr. Trump drama.
Most of the afternoon, however, is spent in quiet. I knit or text the family about her condition while she dozes. And so goes life this January with a deep freeze keeping most sensible people indoors and me tending, waiting, hoping, praying, loving.
Be well and stay warm my friends.
Pebbles and Clay 
Hi Carolyn, a difficult time for sure. Weather and season intensifying. I can relate as having walked in those same footsteps several years ago. Finding inner peace and calm was my only solution. Being grateful for the present moment moments my dharma. Gladys is lucky to have you there. Peace and smiles from Yelapa, xo
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Thanks, Donna. I’ve had a horrible virus so have been feeling low physically, but the time with my mother is peaceful and loving.
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Sending you lots of love and courage to get through this difficult time, Carolyn.
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Aah…thanks so much, Susan.
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Hi Carolyn,
I can feel, just what you are going through with your dear Mom…as I also, did and felt just what you are going through with my Mom (can’t believe it has been 15 yrs. ago) and my Dad, (10 years ago). Even though a decade has passed, I feel them with me every day…Even though this time is very tender, and out of our control….all we can do is to show our love by being close…
Bless you, and stay strong…
Alison
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Thank you, Alison. Even though we know these times are coming nothing really prepares us for the ups and downs, the not knowing, the fragility and vulnerability we all have to face.
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